Celluloid Handbag: WAITING FOR GUFFMAN

Celluloid Handbag: WAITING FOR GUFFMAN - Tuesday 9/1 @Ritz
Advance tickets available here

The show-stopper WAITING FOR GUFFMAN is coming to the Ritz in a big way, sister. Celluloid Handbag, the fabulous series that inspires lunacy and lewdness, is bringing this campy drama-fest to your eyes for ONE NIGHT ONLY!

Oh, that the world has been fortunate enough to experience the moronic mastery and dipshit deliriums of the one and only CHRISTOPHER GUEST! This man has managed to pull more laughter out of the world's gut than a drunk monkey ridin a three legged mule. Enter the bigguns!: THIS IS SPINAL TAP, BEST IN SHOW, A MIGHTY WIND....and then pay your respects to the biggest biggun to crank the candy machine: WAITING FOR GUFFMAN! Never has there been a movie that brings forth more pity, delight and downright ignorance than this exploration of the inner workings of a small town theater and it's "horribly talented" cast of characters, including Christopher Guest, Parker Posey, Eugene Levy, Fred Willard and Catherine O'Hara (in one of her best roles ever!). CELLULOID HANDBAG is proud to present to you this raging juggernaut of genius along with your stanked hostess Rebecca Havemeyer who's prepped a pre-show to stop the world cold. Dig in and pig out, kittens! You WILL bust a gut. (Rebecca Havemeyer)

Get your tickets for this great show now.

SXSW Presents THE HAPPY POET Monday at the Ritz

SXSW Presents: THE HAPPY POET - Monday 8/30 @Ritz
Advance tickets available here

Co-star and co-producer Jonny Mars and cast members Ricardo Lerma and Amy Myers-Martin live in person!

"If SLACKER defined the shaggy eccentricities of Austin life circa the early '90s, then Gordon's similarly low-key comedy is a delightful, deadpan reappraisal of the town's prototypical charm some two decades later."
Greencine Daily

"Austinite Paul Gordon has served up my favorite of SXSW in this comedy about an organic food stand that feels, well, organic."
Flicksided.com

A favorite at SXSW, where the film played to three sold-out shows, THE HAPPY POET is an Austin film that perfectly captures the particular blend of earthy-crunchy and small business that makes this fine city so special. Bill, an out-of-work poet, puts his heart, soul, and last few dollars into starting an all-organic mostly-vegetarian food stand, but complications with the business jeopardize his dreams for a hot dog-free future.

Get your tickets for this great show now.

The Action Pack's WILLY WONKA Quote-Along

The Action Pack presents
the WILLY WONKA AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY Quote-Along
Thursdays Aug 26, Sep 2 & 9 at the Ritz
Advance tickets available here

Come with me, and you will be in a worrrld of pure imagination... Gene Wilder is Willy Wonka. PERIOD. No amount of remaking, re-imagining, or rebooting will ever change the playfully haunting performance of one of the world's greatest actors.

That being said, this movie never stops being amazing. When you were a kid it was all about how awesome it would be if you could eat a gummy bear the size of your face or drink from a river made of chocolate. Then you got older and you were nostalgic about that stuff while also seeing all the cracks of creepy shining through in this fantastically fun movie musical.

Well, The Action Pack is pulling out all the stops with little surprises around every corner...but nothing too dangerous. Bubbles for everyone, bubbles, bubbles everywhere as well as specialty menu items, singing, quoting, and so much more. We'd hate to ruin it all for you, so sign the contract at the bottom line and you'll be in a world of pure imagination...if you truly, wish...to be. (Greg MacLennan)

Skip Elsheimer, the AV Geek LIVE

AV Geeks: ALCOHOL IS DYNAMITE!
Monday, August 23rd @ Lake Creek
Tuesday, August 24th @ South Lamar
Advance tickets for 8/23 available here
Advance tickets for 8/24 available here

What is this "AV GEEKS" business??:
Formerly a mild-mannered computer technician, Skip Elsheimer now spends his time and money collecting, archiving and presenting old 16mm educational films. What started as a hobby 15 years ago has blossomed into a magnificent obsession, and the collection has grown to over 23,000 films gathered from school auctions, thrift stores, closets and dumpsters. Skip presents themed film shows, tours occasionally, runs a burgeoning stock footage clearinghouse and lives the life he loves. He is one of our heroes.

If you've never seen an AV Geeks show before, that's okay. There's a first time for everything. Expect a program of several amazing, funny and interesting vintage short films in spectacular speckled, scratched 16mm. It's a damn blast and, well, it's kinda educational.

* * * * * *

ALCOHOL IS DYNAMITE! - Vintage 16mm films about the great social lubricant - both pro and con.

Films include:

Curious Habits of Man (1972) - A puzzling film where a Canadian party overlaps with a nature documentary.

A Case for Beer (early 1970s) - A guide for convenience store owners on how to cash in on beer profits while looking out for under-aged customers.

Alcohol is Dynamite (1958) - Tragedy-monger Sid Davis demonstrates to teenagers the slippery slope of alcohol and its ability to destroy lives.

...All this liver-lovin' fun and more is just waiting to be had! Get your tickets NOW!

Skip will also be presenting a prom-themed show at The Highball on 8/26. Advance tickets are available HERE.

WINNEBAGO MAN is here!

WINNEBAGO MAN with Director Ben Steinbauer Live at Lamar Friday and Saturday

Starts at Alamo Ritz on Sunday

Get tickets here

Jack Rebney is the most famous man you've never heard of -- after viciously cursing his way through a flubbed Winnebago sales video, Rebney's outrageously funny outtakes became an underground sensation and made him a true internet superstar. Austin filmmaker Ben Steinbauer journeys to the top of a mountain to find the recluse who unwittingly became the "Winnebago Man." Once this reclusive, furious YouTube hero is found, things become even weirder... One of the best docs of the decade and a huge hit at SXSW 2009, we're pleased to bring all of Jack Rebney's unparalleled profanity/magic to YOU!

“One of the best films you’re going to see this year. 4 stars!” - Austin Chronicle

"Holy sh*t, this is a f*cking funny documentary..." - Roger Ebert

"Give us two reasons why this will not be the best movie of Summer 2010." -Esquire

"A full tank of irascible charm.” - LA Times

"There is a genuine, human sympathy for his frustration and lashing out that goes along with the laughter." - NPR

"[Critics pick] Madly entertaining..." - New York Magazine

THE ULTIMATE GARLIC EXPERIENCE Wednesday at the Ritz

THE ULTIMATE GARLIC EXPERIENCE - Wednesday 8/18 @Ritz
Advance tickets available here

Did you know that at ancient Greek and Roman marriages the brides carried bouquets of garlic instead of flowers? Did you know that April 19 is National Garlic Day? How about that it was once used to treat acne, warts, and toothaches?

Chances are, you didn't know any of those things. You should free up your calendar, grab some stainless steel object (that's the only material that takes the smell of garlic off the hands), and plan to have THE ULTIMATE GARLIC EXPERIENCE at the Ritz tomorrow night.

You probably won't learn any other fun facts about garlic, but you won't care. Why would you? You'll be watching two of the most seasoned docs in cinematic herb history: Les Blank's GARLIC IS A GOOD AS TEN MOTHERS, the poetic picture of the history, consumption, cultivation and culinary/curative powers of the "Stinking Rose," and WERNER HERZOG EATS HIS SHOE, a film by Blank of famed German director Werner Herzog eating his shoe (after boiling it in garlic first, of course).

The best part, though, is the garlic feast. Check out this menu!:

I - Watermelon Insalata Caprese
with heirloom and roma tomatoes, mozzarella, basil, whole roasted garlic and garlic infused balsamic vinaigrette

II - Lobster Fritters
with red pepper garlic aioli and pickled garlic

III - Braised Pork Roll
stuffed with garlic, prosciutto and parmesan with penne pasta and garlic meat sauce

IV - Chocolate Tartlet
with roasted banana and garlic-orange caramel and candied truffled whole garlic

And there will, of course, be amazing drink pairings as well.

Get your tickets for this great show now. What else are you going to do, eat an onion?

SOME KIND OF WONDERFUL

Girlie Night presents
SOME KIND OF WONDERFUL
Tues, Aug 17 at the Ritz
Advance tickets available here

Forget Samantha Baker. Who cares about Andie Walsh? If I could be one John Hughes heroine, it would without a doubt be Watts.

Watts, who plays the shizz out of the drums and totally rocks her red leather fringed fingerless gloves! Watts, who isn't afraid to be herself! Watts, who is totally and completely in love with her best friend, Keith Nelson, a.k.a. Eric Stoltz back when he was amazingly, incredibly, mind-blowingly beautiful. Like, when I watch this movie at home, sometimes I have to hit pause just so I can drink in his hotness or, in the case of the party scene, laugh at his horrible wig.

If you're a fan of '80s teen films, then you already know that SOME KIND OF WONDERFUL aces pretty much all of the important categories. Excruciating love triangle? Check. Cheesy villain with huge hair? Check. Excellent soundtrack? Check. Epic kissing scene? CH-CH-CHECK.

Throw in Lea Thompson, Elias Koteas (I never knew I could love a skinhead so much) and a little Candace Cameron, and you've got yourself a gem of a film that is, indeed, some kind of wonderful. (Sarah Pitre)

EVERYTHING IS TERRIBLE...LIVE!
Monday, August 16th @ Ritz
Advance tickets available here

Everything Is Terrible!, the internet’s premiere source of genuinely ridiculous videos and out of context movie scenes ripped from rare VHS, has been hailed by everyone from BoingBoing to Time Magazine, from "Best Week Ever" to Wired. And now, the demented folks behind the site are taking off their cloaks and getting intimate, bringing us another trunk full of primo footage!

The EIT! gang has been working like pampered, over-fed slaves for the past year, bringing together thousands of hours of brain-boiling footage into one jam-packed jewel of an experience. They’ll be screening deleted scenes from their second DVD release, 2Everything2Terrible2: Tokyo Drift, too-hot for the internet hits, and tons of other unseen madness that'll be sure to put a kick in your dick.

And if that wasn't already the koolest popsicle in the fridge, the EIT! crew will appear in the rotted flesh to coax you into their disturbingly hilarious world with a live, fully-costumed, fully-choreographed show that's been described as "a mix of Benny Hill and Jay Leno's early work." Bring your extra face...the one you got is gonna MELT RIGHT OFF!

The Action Pack's ONCE Sing-Along

The Action Pack presents the
ONCE Sing-Along
Thursdays, Aug 12 & 19 at the Alamo Ritz
Advance tix for both shows available right here

Ten years ago, I fell in love with an Irish girl. She took my heart, but she went and screwed some guy she knew and now I'm in Dublin with a broken heart...

ONCE is one of those little films that sneaks up on you quite unassumingly, gets deep down in you, and then almost breaks you down to tears. (You don't have to admit it, cry-baby; we already know.)

You can take this movie for what it is, or you can be like me and pretend it's the real-life story of Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova's relationship. However you take it, one thing remains: ONCE could have the single greatest soundtrack of a musical ever. And I can't seem to stop myself from clinching my fist next to my heart and tightly closed eyes every time I belt out "Falling Slowly."

And so with that, we give you the ONCE Sing-Along. Guy is a busker; girl is an immigrant. They catch each-others' eye and begin an awkward and undefined romance that propels them to making an album together that is, without a doubt, "effing brilliant."

So let the Action Pack take your sinking boat of a life and point it home (the Drafthouse) for a rejuvenating night of music, singing and Irish revelry (with whiskeys and Guinness, of course!) 'cause we've still got tiiiiiiime.
(Greg MacLennan)

Everything Is Terrible crew LIVE in the melted flesh

Everything is Terrible Presents: 2Everything 2Terrible 2: Tokyo Drift
Friday 8/13 @Lake Creek
Advance tickets available here

This is it. This is for real. The best thing that could possibly happen... is happening. That's right folks, our cultish leaders at Everything Is Terrible! - the premier website for found footage freakouts are appearing live and with an all new movie! ('Everything Is Terrible! Presents: 2Everything 2Terrible 2: Tokyo Drift.') The EIT! gang have been working like pampered, over-fed slaves for the past year - bringing together literally thousands of hours of brain boiling VHS into one jam-packed jewel of an experience.

The movie itself cannot be described, but all we can say is that it is a full length mashup of oddities that include cat massaging, magic crystals, 90's internet prophesies, and the cutest form of evil to ever walk the Earth (oh you'll see). Think Tim & Eric, but real. In fact, Eric Wareheim claims they 'watch it everyday.' And if that wasn't already the coolest popsicle in the fridge, the gang will be appearing IN THE MELTED FLESH to coax you into their disturbingly hilarious world - and this time, EIT! has upped the ante. It has been described as 'a mix of The Holy Mountain, The Neverending Story, and that weird cult sex scene from Eyes Wide Shut' - now send that on a seven year vision quest into the belly of the beast and it is still something no one will ever understand.

Nevertheless, you are going to be doing a lot laughing, and the worst part is you won't even be sure why. Don't forget to bring that extra face of yours, cause the one you got will melt off!

Don't miss the EIT gang as they present deleted scenes from 2Everything2Terrible2: Tokyo Drift, too-hot for the internet hits, and tons of other unseen madness at the Ritz on August 16th!

Sam Adams tasting with Brewmaster Bob Cannon LIVE

Sam Adams Beer Tasting with Brewmaster Bob Cannon
Tuesday 8/10 @Lake Creek
Advance tickets available here

Here at the Alamo, we are always looking for a good excuse to kick a few back with some friends. doubly so if those friends also happen to be rockstars of the brewing industry. It’s hard to talk about craft brewing in America without mentioning Sam Adams, who’s always been a leader in the industry while still maintaining the spirit of a craft brewery. Utopias alone is reason enough to praise Jim Koch’s name every night before you lay your head down to sleep.

As a part of our devotion to beers with flavor and how they came to be, we are excited to announce a tasting hosted by none other than Sam Adams Brew-master Bob Cannon. You may not recognize the name, but you sure will recognize the epic facial hair he is sporting in all of the Sam Adams commercials. Word on the street is that up to 5% of all Sam Adams is in fact produced by an ultra-craft brewery located inside of Bob’s goatee. The man has forgotten more about brewing beer than most of us will ever learn. And with a puff of Noble hops aroma (which is his trademark), Bob will arrive ready to discuss the beverage of the Gods while we sample various offerings from the Sam Adams catalog.

The menu will include:

Sam Adams Light

One
Boston Lager
Stoney Brook Red

Smoked sardines with Boggy creek farms baby arugula and American Kriek vinaigrette

Two
Octoberfest
Double Bock

Wurst and Cheese Plate

Three
New World Tripel
Cream Stout

Richardson Farms Pork Belly braised with cherry and pearl onions in Sam Adams Lager with double bock mashed potatoes, roast local squash

Four
Imperial Stout
American Kriek

Summer Berry Pudding with Stout creme

Click HERE for resident Alamo beer expert Jim Hughe's writeup of beers featured in this tasting.

Cinema Cocktails: THE THIN MAN - Monday 8/9 and Tuesday 8/10 at 7pm, and Saturday 8/14 @1pm - @Ritz
Advance tickets available here

The Cinema Cocktail series returns with the classic, most hard-drinkingest picture of them all: THE THIN MAN.

The Thirties saw hardboiled detectives and screwball socialites put away liquor with equal aplomb. So when the two genres were combined with 1934's THE THIN MAN, it was a cocktail of explosive magnitude. This loose adaptation of the Dashiell Hammett novel features William Powell as Nick Charles, a retired detective with a Herculean capacity for Scotch, and Myrna Loy as Nora, his equally swizzled socialite wife. Nick is perfectly happy spending his wife's money pickling his liver until the daughter of an old client requests his help. It's only after several dead bodies pile up that he grudgingly agrees to take the case. Once involved, Nick proves himself to be one of soused cinema's most functional alcoholics by solving the murder with a little help from Nora and his tenacious terrier, Asta. Nick's initial reluctance to get drawn into the investigation is perfectly understandable, because as he states, "It's putting me way behind in my drinking." (Booze Movies)

Ritz Bar Manager Amy Patton has created a special cocktail menu for this presentation of THE THIN MAN:

The Dry Gibson Martini:
Vodka, splash of Vermouth and 3 cocktail onions, shaken not stirred

Vodka Gimlet:
Vodka, lime juice and a fresh lime

Old-Fashioned:
Bitters, bourbon, cherry, lemon and orange

A number of fine scotches will also be available. Let's see if you can keep up with Nick Charles.

Get your tickets for this great show now.

SHARK WEEK'S EPIC CONCLUSION

MEGA SHARK VS. GIANT OCTOPUS
in HeckleVision - text your jokes on your phone and they appear on the screen with the movie!
Sunday, August 8 at the Alamo Ritz
Advance tix available right here

What can I possibly tell you to describe this movie any better than the title already does? There's a huge effing shark and a gigantic prehistoric octopus.

Why are they fighting? Who cares? Thousands of years ago in some sort of prehistoric time when all kinds of shit was bigger than it is today, they got into some sort of battle to the death. But before they could finish their epic war, an ice age came along and froze them. So then millenia later Debbie Gibson (literally, she's the lead in this movie) goes to try to check out the migratory patterns of some humpback whales in a stolen submarine, but something goes wrong and the big ass shark and jumbo octopus are unfrozen.

Fortunately for the "plot," the newly released megabeasts randomly take a break from trying to kill each other, instead opting to go their separate ways to explore the oceans and get pissed off at off shore oil rigs and submarines and merchant ships and everything else they come into contact with. Naturally it's up to Debbie Gibson to join forces with Lorenzo Lamas to see if they can entice the two beasts into one final death match.

So yeah, this movie is HORRIBLE. They cut from an interior shot of Debbie looking at stuff through the window of the submarine to very obvious stock footage. The giant shark that for some reason eats an airplane is made of the cheapest CGI you can find this side of the 90s. Debbie Gibson never had an acting career for a reason. And yet... you know you want to see it, because it's a movie about a huge fucking shark fighting a gigantic prehistoric octopus!

Fortunately, there's also HeckleVision, so during the parts of the movie with bad effects and nonsensical plot points you'll be able to text your jokes to our computers and then everything you type will end up on the screen, just below the film itself. PLUS we'll have some of the folks from The Asylum, the company responsible for the brilliance of this movie along with SNAKES ON A TRAIN and that SHERLOCK HOLMES that came out recently but doesn't star Robert Downey, Jr. (but does feature a T-Rex), live in the theater joking along with us!

Like all great things, even Shark Week has to end. But we've saved the biggest, sharkiest show for last.

CABIN BOY QUOTE-ALONG!!!

The Action Pack presents
a special Shark Week screening of the
CABIN BOY QUOTE-ALONG
Thurs, Aug 5 at the Alamo Ritz
Advance tickets available right here

"These pipes... are CLEAN!!!"

Oh man, I love the Alamo's shark week. There's no way I would have been able to pass a CABIN BOY Quote-Along through the programming staff if we hadn't specifically been looking for a movie with some shark action and more quotable lines than one guy just whining about not having a big enough boat. Fortunately for the good of the universe, CABIN BOY features Chocki the man-shark, and so the greatest Quote-Along of all time was willed into existence and I could not possibly be more excited.

I saw this gem for the first time in high school on its opening weekend, and it's the only time I've seen 20% of a crowd get up and leave during a film.

Tim League once rented this beauty while staying with his in-laws and even though that was over ten years ago their family STILL has a rule that Tim is never allowed to pick the movie when they go to the video store.

So if you don't get it, it's okay; you're in the majority. But trust me when I tell you that the majority is WRONG. CABIN BOY is genius, pure and simple. And it's where I learned how a harem girl dances.

Speaking of, we'll be starting this show off with a How Does a Harem Girl Dance? contest, and the winner of that will be awarded their very own sock monkey! And everyone will get a special prop to help us clean our pipes, but I probably shouldn't talk about that here...(Henri Mazza)

SHARK WEEK at the Ritz!

TICKETS FOR ALL EVENTS HERE

Every year, a certain TV channel stops airing clips of lions making love and boosts its ratings by devoting every moment of seven glorious days to nature’s rudest fish. The shark is like the Superfly of the sea, and the species’ amazing feats are as hypnotizing as they are horrifying. A couple of months ago we were talking about the sharkiest movies ever and we decided we should have our own Shark Week and to hell with everybody else.

On their Shark Week no one leaves the house. Everyone is glued to their sets, watching those damn teeth regenerate and those fins squirm. Well, not ours! We’re going to have a little fun this year, in what promises to be the first annual Shark Week at the Alamo. Now you can leave the house, have a burger or pizza and a couple of beers, and enjoy the glory of the toughest creature in the ocean.

This year Shark Week Features highly anticipated doc THE SHARK IS STILL WORKING, MEGA SHARK VS. GIANT OCTOPUS in Hecklevision, the CABIN BOY Quote-Along, Master Pancake's DEEP BLUE SEA and of course JAWS. See the whole line-up right here.