Silent Classic THE UNKNOWN with Live Score by THE INVINCIBLE CZARS!

7pm Sun. Feb. 28, RITZ

Buy Tickets Here

You've heard all about the live music scores to silent movie classics. Now see one of the best.

This truly spectacular and bizarre silent classic stars the "Man of a Thousand Faces," Lon Chaney. He puts in an incredible performance as circus attraction "Alonzo The Armless," who throws knives with his feet. Beautiful young Joan Crawford plays the daughter of the circus owner. She hates and fears men's arms. So it's a match made in heaven, right? Wrong. It turns out that Alonzo actually has a perfectly good pair of arms tucked away under his clothes and he has on occasion used them for strangling people with - in fact his whole armless act is a designed to throw off the police who have been pursuing him across Europe. But with the buoyant energy of one truly in love, he bribes a doctor to amputate his arms so he can be Joan Crawford's dreamy armless loverboy. What could go wrong? Plenty, of course, but we've said enough. Join us for one of the most unbelievable movies ever made, accompanied by the perfect live score provided by Austin's own globetrotting masters of musical melange, The Invincible Czars!

Spike & Mike's Sick & Twisted Festival of Animation

SPIKE AND MIKE'S SICK AND TWISTED FESTIVAL OF ANIMATION :: STARTS FRIDAY AT THE RITZ
PURCHASE TICKETS HERE!

I'd like to go ahead and say that this is the best time to type up this blog post, because I am watching the Spike and Mike show as we speak. So I know first hand that you will be super grossed out and giggly for a large portion of the show. Also, sometimes you will be going, "Uh, this is pretty stupid," and then whatever cartoon made you say that will be your pee break cartoon! See how it all works out! That's what Spike & Mike does, y'all. They make the world go round.

NOT SUITABLE FOR CHILDREN, WOMEN WHO ARE PREGNANT OR MAY BECOME PREGNANT, PEOPLE WITH HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE, HIGH MORAL CHARACTER, DECENCY OR GOOD TASTE.

Spike & Mike's Sick & Twisted Festival of Animation has been an annual tradition at the Alamo Downtown for almost the entire existence of the theater. Spike didn't have the show ready for our usual January showdates this year - but that's only because he was busy packing in EVEN MORE disgusting shit than ever before. Every year we like to think that we've been so desensitized by the previous shows that nothing could shock us, and every year we're proven wrong. The 2010 collection is filled with so much that is so wrong that you'll be bleeding out of your eyes by the end of the show, and you'll be laughing so hard that your intestines will likely pop up out of your mouth and fly into the air, lassoing an unsuspecting audience member four rows down who will mistake your guts for a prop that's supposed to be used in the show and will start gleefully playing with them. And you'll still be laughing so hard at the sickness on the screen that you won't even notice and care.

STARTS FRIDAY AT THE RITZ
PURCHASE TICKETS HERE!

Action Packed Thursdays: Pee Wee Quote-Along & Jiggy Crunk Sing-Along!

PEE WEE'S BIG ADVENTURE QUOTE-ALONG :: Thursday, Feb 25, 7pm, Ritz
TICKETS AVAILABLE HERE

JIGGY CRUNK: THE 90s POP RAP SING-ALONG :: Thursday, Feb 25, 9:45pm, Ritz :: Friday, Feb 26, Midnight, Village
TICKETS AVAILABLE HERE

There is probably no other reason on earth to put Pee Wee Herman and Vanilla Ice in the same picture together, but the awesomeness of Thursday at the Ritz demanded it! We're starting the evening off with possible THE funniest movie of all time, PEE WEE'S BIG ADVENTURE! Watch the most entertaining man who has ever roamed the earth embark on a cross-country quest to reclaim his kidnapped best friend: a bicycle. Along the way, ol' P.W. will encounter tough-as-nails bikers, giant dinosaurs, wild animals, ninjas, chubby billionaires, escaped convicts, buckin' broncos, tone-deaf hobos, unwanted romance, fibbing gypsies, clumsy Godzillas, basement-less Alamos, vengeful boyfriends and even an undead trucker! Fun didn't exist until Pee-Wee invented it, and now the most funrocious, funtacular, fungorious funsplosion in the history of FUN will finally get its due as the most funeriffic Quote-Along ever!

Also, this just in! We're having the MR. BREAKFAST SPECIAL (A pancake, two eggs, 2 pieces of bacon and a strawberry - maybe in face form!) on the menu for the Pee Wee show so we can all say "GOOD MORNING, MR. BREAKFAST!" and really mean it! We'll also have cheap tequila shots available, so after we all dance in the biker bar, we can get drunk in the biker bar!

After that's over, we're hitting the JIGGY CRUNK SING-ALONG for the third (I think?) year in a row! The old school rap was great, and the realism of Common and Mos Def can't be appreciated enough, but god damn it, the pop rap of the 1990s was just so incredibly catchy. It feels bad to admit how much we love it, but it feels good to go with it. We'll be reprising a lot of our favorite songs from last year's show, so don't worry about missing out on your Will Smith, Neneh Cherry, or even Vanilla Ice. But go ahead and grow your facial hair out and then shave it to ridiculously thin lines, because there's a good chance Color Me Badd will make an experience. And grow your dreadlocks out, then give them to someone else and let them pretend to be you, because HELL YES we're going to include Milli Vanilli.

So come on out, and hell, make it a double feature. Your friends will think you're crazy, but then you can just reply with "I know you are but what am I?" and shove it in their faces!!!

PEE WEE'S BIG ADVENTURE QUOTE-ALONG :: Thursday, Feb 25, 7pm, Ritz
TICKETS AVAILABLE HERE

JIGGY CRUNK: THE 90s POP RAP SING-ALONG :: Thursday, Feb 25, 9:45pm, Ritz :: Friday, Feb 26, Midnight, Village
TICKETS AVAILABLE HERE

Never forget the insanity...VIVA VHS!!! This Wed at the Ritz!

The reality-removing megapower of VIVA VHS!
Wed, Feb 24 - 9:45 PM - Ritz
Cheap advance tickets HERE!

Come celebrate the bygone days when VHS was King! The folks from Seattle's Scarecrow Video have delved into their archives to unearth forgotten gems and mind-blowing revelations of magnetic mayhem for this special salute to the now neglected medium.

On December 23, 2008, the last shipment of VHS left the warehouse of the last remaining distributor of pre-recorded tapes. The media seized upon the opportunity to eulogize the home video format, claiming this was the final endpoint of a long, slow decline.

BUT...not everyone was ready to let VHS go. From attics and basements, from underneath beds and atop the highest closet shelves, from the racks of dollar stores and shelves of independent video stores, oddball tapes continued to emerge. And VCR heads are still spinning, illuminating eager faces with the glow of '80s boner comedies, erstwhile celebrity exercise tapes and homemade exploitation gorefests. VHS lives. Join us in paying tribute to the shining memory of mom & pop video stores and the enchanting wonders of home cinema.

VIVA VHS!!!

TICKETS! TICKETSS! TIKKITZZZ!!!

MA VIE EN ROSE at The Ritz!

Hey Homo! presents: MA VIE EN ROSE
Tuesday, Feb 23 @ The Alamo Ritz
Advance tickets available here

February is the month for romance and so we here at Hey Homo! decided there is nothing more romantic than a child with gender-identity difficulties. That is why we have finally decided to present Ma Vie En Rose. For those queer and queer friendlies who have never seen this sweet little film, you are in for a treat. Ludovic is the cutest little seven-year old MtF you have ever laid eyes on. All of his hopes hinge on meeting the handsome romantic husband who will save him from his mean neighbors and embarrassed family. Ma Vie En Rose is a really endearing film that deals shamelessly with gender identity from the perspective of an innocent.

Get your tickets here!

EVERYTHING IS TERRIBLE... LIVE!

Dimension-disrupting hilarity this Sunday and Monday at The Ritz!
Two shows! Cheap as hell!

If you like having a good time, your life has just been improved by 10,000%.

EVERYTHING IS TERRIBLE! are the bona fide internet sensation video collective responsible for some of history’s most intriguing viral videos. From the yoga farmer teaching kids to stretch (creepily) to Cat Massage (just what you’d think), these guys are mining the VHS universe for all the best – and worst – bits. This isn’t some youtube compilation party. Every video is original, fantastic and f'ed up beyond belief. A truly haunting look into America’s freakish past!!

Their daily postings of genuinely ridiculous videos and out-of-context movie scenes ripped from old VHS releases have been hailed by MTV, Fox, Time, BoingBoing, Buzzfeed, WFMU, Videogum, Best Week Ever, The Soup, and Jezebel, while the CBC deemed it simply “The best site ever.”

But what separates EIT from the rest has to be their live show. The group will personally take you by the collective hands on a journey that asks: What if THE NEVERENDING STORY, THE HOLY MOUNTAIN and that weird sex cult scene from EYES WIDE SHUT all got together and made a baby? Now multiply that by a thousand and you’re still nowhere near the feeling of pleasure it brings. Your face will probably melt off, so come prepared with an extra face…

Get those tickets HERE!

Still not convinced? Try THIS on for size:

WOOSAW! Bad Boys 2 is coming to the Ritz

Action Pack Theater presents
BAD BOYS 2
with live explosions and tons o' guns
Sundays, Feb 21 & 28 at the Alamo Ritz
Grab your advance tickets right here

Yeah, Michael Bay gets a lot of hate. And after he made Optimus Prime say, "My bad," in the first TRANSFORMERS, I even jumped on the anti-Bay wagon myself. But to this day, every time I get into any sort of conversation with a Bay basher I immediately end the argument before it can start using just three little words:

Bad.

Boys.

Two.

Cause when he took the buddy cop movie formula and just said, "Fuck it, I'm gonna go nuts all over this bitch," Michael Bay created True Classic Cinema and earned his spot at the top of the cinephile ranks right up there with Coppola, Godard and Melies. Yeah, I went there.

Come out and try to prove me wrong at this special Action Pack Theater screening hosting by myself and Greg MacLennan and featuring LIVE EXPLOSIONS in the theater, CAP GUNS for the first 100 people through the doors, and more FUCK YEAH moments than your non-Bay brain can handle.

We ride together, we die together. Bad boys for life.
(Henri Mazza)