Cinema Cocktails: CASINO ROYALE (1967)

TUESDAY AND WEDNESDAY NIGHT AT THE RITZ

Everyone loves the new Bond, especially with QUANTUM OF SOLACE coming up in November, but how many people realize that Woody Allen, Peter Sellers and David Niven all played James Bond? And all in the same movie. And what a movie.

Producer Charles Feldman bought the rights to Ian Fleming's first Bond novel before anybody had even thought about making a movie adaptation, and once the series became a huge hit, Feldman decided to revisit the property. By the time it hit the screen it had the fingerprints of five directors all over it, including John Huston, the budget had ballooned to a then-colossal twelve million dollars, and the whole thing had turned into a colorful comedic hallucination on a scale that had never been seen before.

It's a giant, MAD magazine-style technicolor dream filled with what the ads called "a Bondwagon of the most beautiful and talented girls you ever saw". Along the way, there's a lot of drinking - Niven's Bond quaffs Scotch in the Highlands with M's widow in a scene that drew protests from Scottish groups. Sellers' Bond succumbs to the charms (and the martinis) of Ursula Andress' Vesper Lynd before facing Orson Welles' Le Chiffre over champagne in the titular gambling establishment. Woody Allen (who's hilarious here) even tips back a few.

Featuring a lounge-fan's dream soundtrack by Burt Bacharach and cameos by everyone from Peter O'Toole to Jean Paul Belmondo. See it with someone you love, and a shaker of our patented vesper martinis!

Grab your tickets to CASINO ROYALE right here!

GI JOE STOP-MOTION FILM FESTIVAL tonight at The Ritz!

There's never been a film festival this fun, built on pure action figure adrenaline and childhood excitement!

The GI JOE STOP MOTION FILM FESTIVAL is the nation's first festival dedicated solely to screening the work of stop-motion artists who use GI Joe or similar figures (12", 8" and 3 3/4" sizes) as main characters or actors. The festival includes 19 films from all over the world, featuring some of the best (and surprisingly smooth) stop-motion animation out there. Expect excessive violence, twisted humor, boundless creativity and no less than four disturbingly original applications for the Kung-Fu Grip! Brain-quenching action-figure action that will remind us all how much fun it is to play with toys!

Tickets are selling quick but you can still get 'em! So click on the top right side of this page for all the fun fuel you'll ever need, soldier!

HELLBOY 2 - Now Playing at Lamar

"As he has done in all his movies, from creature features such as MIMIC to serious dramas such as PAN'S LABYRINTH, del Toro creates unforgettable images, filled with color, texture, lyricism and horror." - Ann Hornaday, Washington Post

"By far the most splendidly imaginative and creatively uncorked piece of fantastic cinema since the director's PAN'S LABYRINTH netted an Oscar trifecta in 2007." - Marc Savlov, Austin Chronicle

"Director Guillermo del Toro is a mad genius, and I want to get drunk with him." - Mark Rahner, Seattle Times

The story of HELLBOY is not one that can be easily (let alone elegantly) maneuvered in your average Hollywood Blockbuster- a demon avenger from Hell, his pyrokinetic girlfriend and an ultra-intelligent fish-man work together to save the world from occult threats and supernatural enemies. But put these elements into the hands of visionary director Guillermo Del Toro (THE DEVIL'S BACKBONE, PAN'S LABYRINTH), and the result is not only stunning to watch, but genuinely humane despite its own incredible inhumanity. As a director, Del Toro's gift for seamlessly weaving together playful and surreal imagery with shocking realism has created some of the most memorable and inspired films in recent history. And with every film he writes, directs and/or produces, his visions just keep getting more fantastic. With Guillermo once again at the helm for HELLBOY 2, it is sure to be one hell of a good time. Take all the best, most surreal designs from PAN'S LABYRINTH, then make everything bigger and even more extravagant and then make an entire underworld full of it unleash its wrath on the surface world (including an army of ancient golden robots), put your safety in the hands of a demon, sit back and enjoy.

Get your HELLBOY II: THE GOLDEN ARMY tickets right here!

THURSDAY NIGHT at the RITZ:

The 90s Alternative Sing-Along is new and improved, and it's a pocket full of angst. Of course, it only has one hand in that pocket, while the other hand is giving a peace sign. Because that's what hands did in the 1990s.

Unless that hand belonged to one of the Gallagher brothers. Then it probably spent the entire decade in a firm middle finger, pointed at the other brother. Oh, silly Oasis.

So here we are in 2008, and the time to relive the 1990s at their fullest is finally here. We've had pop rap of the 90s, we've had one hit wonders of the 90s, but never before have we so brazenly embraced the culture of flannels, ripped jeans, Doc Martens, and pop angst. Come out and sing-along with us to the likes of Nirvana, Oasis, Bush, Weezer, the Smashing Pumpkins, Pearl Jam, Alanis, and sooooo much more. You have my personal guarantee that you'll go home with 50% more angst than you came in with, but you'll also have been taught the power to channel that angst.

Tickets are available for all three showings of the 90s Alternative Sing-Along right here. Doc Martens are available here.

"Would she go down on you in a theatre?"
- Alanis Morissette

Sci Fi Classics: THE TERMINATOR - tonight at the Ritz!

In the Year of Darkness, 2029, the rulers of this planet devised the ultimate plan. They would reshape the Future by changing the Past. The plan required something that felt no pity. No pain. No fear. Something unstoppable. They created THE TERMINATOR.

When it's summertime and we're dog tired and hot, few things sound better to us than rounding up a few friends and heading over to the Ritz to drink a few beers, eat a burger and watch the Governor of California kill a bunch of unlucky people in pursuit of Sarah Connor.

A lot of people are down on Schwarzenegger's acting, but seriously, this is how an invincible killing machine should roll. And this is how it should be enjoyed - on the giant screen, with a booming sound system. ROCK.

THE TERMINATOR plays on the big screen at the Ritz this Tuesday and Wednesday, and you can grab advance tickets to those shows right here.

"Listen. And understand. That terminator is out there. It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are dead." - Kyle Reese

OKIE NOODLING 2: Tonight at the Ritz!

I'm a pansy about many, many things, but there is no pansy thing I do that's more embarrassing than my completely irrational fear of fish. I get creeped out at an aquarium, and when I tried to "conquer my fear" by going snorkeling, I was paralyzed in the water. So from where I'm sitting, there is no activity more balls out insane than noodling.

In case you didn't feel like clicking on that link to a definition of noodling, let me break it down for you here - "Noodling is the practice and sport of fishing for catfish using only one's bare hands."

That's right, there are people in the world who spend their free time in muddy river waters, dunking their heads under the water and then reaching into dark holes on the side of the river so they can wiggle their fingers like they were hot dogs, all in the hopes that a gigantic catfish will BITE THEM. Then they'll grab the catfish from INSIDE ITS OWN MOUTH and pull it out of the water.

So yeah, that sounds crazy to me. But seriously, look at the picture above - how is that not crazy?

And yet somehow Bradley Beesley, the director of two documentaries on Okie Noodling, makes you see that the people engaged in this activity aren't crazy at all. They've got a dangerous and marginalized hobby, sure, but remember when Dungeons and Dragons was going to make you a devil worshiper? Give the noodlers a chance!

Bradley will be live in person at the Alamo Ritz on Monday night for a screening of OKIE NOODLING 2 at 7pm, and he's sticking around for a screening of SUMMERCAMP! his documentary about life at a camp one summer after that. Tickets for both screenings are available right here, and I dare you to eat a fish taco during the show.
(Henri)

INDEPENDENCE DAY on Independence Day!

This Independence Day, why bother with fireworks outside when you can hang out *inside* and watch famous American landmarks get blown up? In a fit of insane literalness, Master Pancake Theater will be mocking INDEPENDENCE DAY this Independence Day (as well as the day after, the oft-neglected July 5 holiday). Once again you'll be able to enjoy seeing the White House, the Empire State Building, and just about everything else in the United States.

Having those explosions back up on the big screen is cause to celebrate enough, but even better, the boys of Master Pancake will be there to help make sure you understand exactly how ridiculous the movie is. I know, you thought it was the next CITIZEN KANE. Unfortunately, the whole thing is just an advertisement for an Apple Powerbook.

Grab tickets to this weekend's showings of INDEPENDENCE DAY at the Ritz right here, and bring your love for Jeff Goldblum with you to the theater.

"I'm just a little anxious to get up there and whup E.T.'s ass."
- Captain Steven Hiller